Madcap original quotes and wise cracks
You’re welcome to share these, but please give me credit.

There’s no problem that can’t be solved by vacuuming the living room, then having a good, stiff gin and tonic.
Celibacy is like communism — it simply doesn’t work.
Decorating is my life, my soft caramel center, my raison d’etre.
“When you are a writer your senses never atrophy," said best-selling author Phyllis A. Whitney.” “This is good because other body parts will,” said Madcap Mary.
I don’t like men with beards. Abe Lincoln and Santa Claus are the only two guys who look good in a beard and one of them is dead.
Nowadays seniors are younger and kids are older. It’s a reverse Mork and Mindy world.
I don’t need to go to the casino to gamble. It’s a gamble every time I hit the freeway.
Things have gotten pretty quiet around here since I started telling it like it is.
The king of what used to be Yugoslavia says that the Internet has changed his country. If it’s good enough for a king — it’s good enough for me.
Right before my last son was born I said to the midwife, “Will I look like Raquel Welch after the baby is born?” “You don’t look like her now, why would you expect to look like her after the birth?” she asked.
No one had better serendipity on film than Arnie Schwarzenegger. In one of his movies while under a barrage of gunfire he dodged bullets by tossing a refrigerator at his assailants. Swinging from an exit door on a Boeing jet at 37,000 feet, when other mortals would be sucked into the engines, Arnie performed an Agnes De Mille mid-air ballet to untangle his parachute. Maria has her hands full with this guy. He is just what California needs.
God gave me a two-ply extra absorbent brain. In the words of Agnes Gooch, “I’m a sponge.”
Mediocrity is mine, saith the Bored.
To paraphrase Loretta Lynn (Don’t Come Home a Drinkin’ with Lovin’ on Your Mind) I told my husband, “Don’t Come Home a Hungry with Cookin’ on Your Mind.”